live well ★ laugh often

I know I do this with EVERY post. I don't know what I'm doing with my time instead that results in me not being around :/ I made a goal for October to be around more, so I'm going to try. Harder.

Some schtuff:
1. I started seeing a therapist once a month for my anxiety. I have a problem comparing myself to the people around me - people in relationships, people in weight loss journeys, other teachers, online friends - all of it. I stress over everything and feel guilty about stressing because other people have it so much harder than I do. It's a terrible circle of just BAD.
2. I WANT to be around so much, but it's so desolate here and it's so busy on Twitter and I feel like I'm missing so many parts of the conversation and then feel insecure and so I stay away but then I feel guilty about staying away so I try to come back and spread some love and be involved but omg that's difficult
3. Weight has been a struggle for a few years and my will power is down the DRAIN. My self esteem struggles as a result because clothes don't fit, guys pass me over because they see my fic and decide I'm too fat, I have trouble breathing and moving and just doing stuff
4. My GPS is pissing my off on my phone
5. I'm so behind on doing things for boathouselove and spnnewsletter and hate that I'm letting my fellow mods down
6. I read more Derek/Stiles than Jared/Jensen because I feel like I haven't read any GOOD ones lately and miss the old authors and such :/
7. I am SO behind on all things school related - it's been hard to get back in the grind after school was closed 2 weeks because of Harvey, I have been out of town for 2 weekends (NYC and Seattle!) and grades were due. So yeah, I've had no motivation for some reason.
8. I can't see my headers - any idea what's going on?

Okay I'll stop there for now. I DO love you and I think about you CONSTANTLY. More than you could know. I just wish I could step in and be back but I just feel weird about it - like I've missed too much, you know? I don't even know who reads this anymore. If you do and got through it, comment something? Lemme know I'm not alone?

:* :* :*


Aww remember this icon?!

As y'all may or may not know, my birthday is a BIG deal for me - I always spoil myself (see: Unicorn Hair!) and just enjoy the whole month.

This one was pretty awesome, my friends threw me a surprise party that I kinda ruined by showing up early lol. My coworkers had lunch and stuff planned for me with lots of gifts. I kept getting serenaded by students and staff all day. It was a good birthday :)

Thank you again for all the twitter and LJ messages as well as the vgifts (the_rant_girl and moonflower_rose :*)

Thanks for my 'werewolf' fic enchanted_jae!

I wrote two self-indulgent fics on my birthday (one to start my day and one to end it haha) if you're interested!
melange of love Stiles/Derek and
his end and beginning Jared/Jensen and as a result I finished the 'i love you' challenge \0/

From Twitter: okay. but. doesn’t it looks like ‘morning after their wedding’? I feel like there’s fic of this somewhere…
^ Just saying...


The epic HUGS they do at Jib. IDK what it is about that Con, but they are WONDERFULLY TACTILE there.



source


+ Usually May is #treatyoself month, but I've been WORN OUT and every time I try, something small goes wrong *rolls eyes* Tomorrow I'm getting unicorn hair (okay really something like this but it's more fun saying unicorn hair haha) and I have a bad feeling the color won't catch or it won't be what I want or any assortment of things.

- I just found out our principal is leaving :/ While I didn't think she was the best leader for the position at times, she WAS the one who hired me and believed in me and wants what's best for the school and the attitudes around the school are terrible. We have crap morale cause it's such a WEIRD situation. SIIIIIIGH.

+ Not going to lie, I'm counting down to the end because of ONE kid - he and his mom and driving me bonkers. They need to get out of my arena already, seriously. It's like I can't do anything right according to them and it's NEVER the kid's fault of course.

- I'm SO BAD about LJ and have probably missed a million things. So if I have, I'm sorry! (I say this every post, I'm such a bad friend...) I'm terrible about Twitter too, but at least I am on every day for #gratitudeinmay :)

+ I STILL get goosebumps watching/listening to the violin cover of I Don't Wanna Live Forever - his earnest smoldering FACE.

- What's your favorite song RIGHT NOW?! I am still loving 'Don't Let Me Down' by Chainsmokers but also like 'Something Just Like This' by them and Coldplay [I usually listen to Top 40, sue me haha]


So it's been almost a year since I've posted here. Jeeze Louise!

In that time I've...
-started year 8 of my teaching career
-still been reading way more Stiles/Derek than anything else
-met kelleigh, cherie_morte, and dugindeep for the Con in Charlotte (rash decision that I never regretted!)
-signed up to go to another con (what?!) in March
-joined my religion/cultures version of Tinder
-gained unnecessary weight and maybe have borderline cholesterol issues now (I need to freaking fix this and seriously manage self control)
-spent a TON of money on various things and need to figure out a side hustle or something
-helped throw 2 baby showers (my sis is prego!)
-leased a new car (called Mooney)
-sent my niece off to college (what the heeeeeck)
-got super into watching HGTV, Trevor Noah, and Jimmy Fallon (which is how I get news now lol)
-been disgusted by the American justice system
-'marched' against gun violence (a smaller local thing)
-fallen in love with the dude (Noah C) from 'To all the boys I've loved'
-I'm sure a multitude of other tiny things.

I know it's so quiet here, but Twitter is too fast paced for me and I never check properly (I was good for like 3 days after NC18CON ;)) but teaching is busy and by the time I check, I've missed everything lol. It is what it is I guess.

If you're reading this, give me some insight into your life! How are you? What's up? What are you excited/upset/meh about today?



I'm posting exactly one year later - on the anniversary of the creation of this account.

It's been 16 years of this baby which means well over 16 years in fandom. I've hit half my life now and that seems crazy to me.

But fandom is always holding a big piece of my heart - even if it's not the same fandom every time. But one never really leaves do they?

I started this with Harry/Draco goodness then went through a name change to be more general.

But through it all, I'm a big proponent of enabling love - in others, in my boys I love, in the world.

Thanks for sticking by me - I love you. Even if you don't see this, even if you barely remember me, even if this is just a blip on your radar.

Thanks for a wonderful welcoming time.

Today is also the date of SPN's final episode for the foreseeable future. The little show that could. The men that have been a huge part of my life, even if they don't know it. I won't be watching tonight, but man this weekend is going to be intense. I'll be a blubbery mess, even if not at the episode. The ending of this show brings so many different feelings rising to the surface.
Relief - because the story line was getting a bit...ragged?
Ache - because I'll miss those 2 so much.
Fondness - because so many good memories and people are tied to SPN fandom.
And more.

Thank you. I love you. Have a beautiful day. Hopefully I see you in less than a year ;P


Hey! If you're reading this, hello :D

I'm alive - just, you know, living through unprecedented times in the middle of a pandemonium. I hope you're doing well! <3 I miss you. I mess around here and there on Twitter and Tumblr but spoilers make me run away. Teaching keeps me busy and I'm still reading all the fic lol.

My newest TV obsession has been 9-1-1 Lone Star. I started it because there was a neck kiss I saw between one of the couples, and it happened to be in the last episode of season 1, so I binged. Then fell in love. We're in Season 2 now and though there's parts that make me want to yell at the writers, it's still pretty good.

TK/Carlos is the new pairing mentioned above that I'm heart eyes over. They're REALLY pretty.

The gif that started it all.

The actors that play them are Ronen Rubinstein and Rafael Silva. They had a digital con for these 2 a few weeks ago that I was able to attend. Hence this post. You don't have to read obv.

I'm just trying to remember what I can tbh and writing those down just for my own memory's sake since I didn't realize it wasn't being recorded and I didn't record.

There was a 5 minute welcome session.

Then a 30 minute session with both I bought.
-Ronen said my name perfectly when I 'raised' my hand on Zoom. I asked about where they want the trajectory of their character's storylines to go. I honestly can't remember their answers - so focused on them haha. I think Rafael said my name here but not sure.
-They have such a fun energy that feeds off each other, reminding me of Jared and Jensen tbh. (This fandom is a bit tame though, babies in the grand scheme I think haha. They're still not sure how to tag fandom in AO3. IDK if they think RPF isn't what they think it means lol)
-They make fun of each other all the time. Rafael is super dedicated to his role, according to Ronen.

Then a 30 minute session I bought with Ronen.
-Ronen said my name again, remembering it from the previous time, beautifully haha (I DID record 2 minutes here with my phone - my name and part of my question - only recording I had sadly)
-My question was who would he want more screen time with and he said Marjan - which I am all for. They're both adrenaline junkies lol and I love imagining a sibling kinda relationship there
-It was a little quiet - a lot were nervous (only 13 of us) and so there was some awkward silences.
-There was talk of a natural disaster he'd like to see and hurricanes were brought up, but maybe not Texas, and I mentioned Houston gets quite a few, so not too far off for Austin haha
-He's so gracious and sweet though, answering what he can, and hyping everyone up tremendously, tease that he is.

Then a 30 minute Pictionary session with both.
-They're SO funny. Ragging on each other. Ronen can actually draw pretty well! I asked the mod to do 'mini golf' based on the last episode and when the girl drew it for Rafael, he def. didn't get it haha
-Ronen of course rubbed it in his face and just. CUTE. Ronen won.

Then a 30 minute session I bought with Rafael.
-This was probably my favorite. You could tell he was tired, but still so grateful to have this with his fans.
-There were again about 13 people but this time instead of him calling on people that raised their hands (except for the first girl who talked about symbolism a la Tarlos haha), he just randomly called on everyone. He called on a person that was doing drag and talked about how in awe he is of the patience. He asked about where people lived and the weather. He mentioned how he wasn't mad about not being in the 911 crossover since it didn't really make sense for his character to be there, but he'd LOVE to be in a scene with Athena. He also said that the promo pic of the 'make up dinner' was cut out due to editing and how the scene didn't make sense once the other scene got cut. He gets asked that all the time and def felt bad about it.
-He called on me (said my name so nicely!) and talked about my Zoom virtual background and what a great living room I had. I was super nervous and cringey here, sigh. I said it was fake, and he was all, no it's not, it's def your living room, so I played into the joke. I motioned behind me at the sofa and said I got it on the side of the road. He laughed, but you could tell it was a little forced at me being a dummy hhaa. Whatever. It was a moment, nonetheless LOL. I asked the same question I asked Ronen, what character would he want more screentime with.
-Rafael definitely rambles, in such a cute adorable way. He first mentioned Carlos probably with Grace, so they could talk about their messy boys (!!!) and just hang out. Then as Rafael, probably Gina Torres and he'd just ask a million questions and take notes.
-Rafael is SO sweet, definitely a bit more private than Ronen, but just so GENUINE that I wanted to hug him. Dumb panorama. One day *crosses fingers*

<3 They're such good guys and hopefully another con, digital or real, happens soon.